Currently Listening North By Something Corporate see related

and it's because i can spell confusion with a k, and i can like it...

ok. so i just thought i should clarify something from my previous post. i was not saying that i don't like nice guys. or that i want a bad guy or something. i was simply saying that SOME... not ALL... nice guys are just not what i'm looking for. not just becuz they're nice. but becuz they lack that certain something. i just get so sick of people telling me that i'm such a bitch to all the "nice" guys and that i do it on purpose. like i get some sick pleasure out of hurting guys' feelings. and that it's some silly game to me. i'm outta high school, folks. i'm done with the stupid games. trust me. i don't. i've been there and i know how it feels. but as i said before, i'm not going to stick around with someone just becuz they're nice. if it doesn't feel right, then i'm not gonna force myself to be with them.

i swear... sometimes i feel so completely alone in this world. i can hardly talk to my best friend becuz we don't agree on 90% of things... and my other best friend is across the country with her own life and problems to deal with. i know i can always talk to you, britt. i know you'll always be there but it's different from having someone here... i feel so isolated from all my friends becuz i'm so different from them. i'm like the only one of my friends who's never been in a serious relationship. everyone else has gotten promise rings, been engaged, gotten married, or just been with the same guy since like hs. i've never been like that. i mean, it's not that i don't want to. i just don't settle down with every guy that comes along. i do a lot of "casual dating." and my friends make me out to be like a ho or something becuz of it. but i enjoy meeting different people and doing different things. i give pretty much all guys a chance. but that doesn't mean it's gonna work out with each one of them.

i've heard from so many people that i just don't know what i want. my ex told me that he thinks i don't have a clue what i want. and that when/IF i do find that guy, he wants to know cuz he's not sure he exists. how sad is that? i may not be able to write down a list of exactly what i'm looking for, but when i find it, i'll know. i mean. the whole point of dating is to find out what you like and don't like. the point is not to settle down with every person that comes along just becuz they're there.

i know. i know y'all are tired of hearing this from me. but it's just been weighing a lot on my mind lately. i'm so frustrated with it all. but i'm not gonna change who i am or how i do things just becuz some people might not agree. i suppose that's both the blessing and curse of individuality... blah.

in other news, we leave for hawaii next friday. that should be awesome. hopefully being out there and being away from here will take my mind off things. oh. and i go to register for southern next thurs. i'm a bit nervous. but i'm really excited about being at usm. i guess that's it for now.

til next time....

Currently Listening Tell All Your Friends By Taking Back Sunday see related

you've got this silly way of keeping me on the edge of my seat...

so i figured it was about time for an update:

i no longer have a boyfriend. yes. that's right. probably one of the shortest relationships ever. i know. i'm such a bitch. i broke his heart. i did this to myself. and i'll probably die an old cat lady cuz i'm never satisfied. and obviously nothing is ever good enough for me. but i'll be happier knowing that i'm going to grow old with my cats than having to live with the fact that i settled in life. he was probably one of the sweetest and nicest guys i've ever met. but there was nothing more to it. there was nothing there. there was no substance to the relationship. yeah. he treated me great. but... i dunno. we never really talked about anything. we didn't have much in common. it was just a dead end street. i wasn't happy anymore. i wasn't making him happy. it just needed to end.

i've been told that i should've stayed with him cuz he was such a nice guy. and that i obviously had bad taste in guys. becuz supposedly i make myself fall for the bad guys. and i never really give the "good" guys a chance. firstly... you can't make your heart feel something that's not there. you have no control over that. or at least, i don't believe you should. you shouldn't have to force yourself to like someone if you don't. the same goes that you shouldn't try to stop the feelings you have for someone else either. if they're there, and especially for an extended period of time, chances are they're probably meant to be there. "the heart has it's reasons to which reason knows nothing of."

secondly, what good is a "good" guy if he doesn't make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? ok. so that's a little cliche. but seriously folks. sometimes nice guys are just that. they're nice. but there's nothing more too. and i'm sorry, but just being nice doesn't cut it for me. maybe i'm being too choosey. maybe i will be alone for the rest of my life. but i know that i felt something amazing before with someone else. and i won't settle for anything less than amazing.

Currently Listening Leaving Through The Window By Something Corporate see related

i could be your punk rock princess...

so i guess its time for an update.

i graduated. wooooooo. yeah. thats right. from the big university of ellisville...erm, jones county jr. college. haha. so that means it's off to usm in the fall. what what!

but before i got to graduate... i was sick as a dog. yeah. woke up last sunday feeling nauseous... had like 102 temp that night... went the doctor monday and he said he thought it was strep... but the test came back negative so he said i prolly just had a throat infection. gave me some meds that were supposed to make me feel better... come wednesday i still feel like shit... sore throat, body aches, chills, still a really high fever... so we go back to the doctor and have some blood work done to check for mono and something else... btw, during all this i'm supposed to be at school taking finals and moving outta my dorm... ha. so i muster up the strength to go to school thurs to take my last 2 finals... and somehow managed to walk up there and get my diploma friday. and i swear to bob i have a flesh eating virus on my lips... mom said its from the really high fever... but i never get fever blisters. never had them before in my life... and i swear, i have like 12 on my lips right now. and they hurt like a mother...

so yeah. got my shit moved outta the dorm. i'm home for the summer. still trying to find a place to live in the fall in hattiesburg hopefully. going to indiana next tues for mikey and krysti's wedding. so i get to see my lillian. yay! and we're going to hawaii like july 14th or something. staying in a private beach house. omg. its gorgeous. i'll get pics when we go. but i'm uber excited bout that...

oh. and i have a boyfriend. a younger, adorable redheaded boyfriend...

so yeah. i guess thats about it for now.

Currently Listening A Fever You Can't Sweat Out By Panic! At the Disco see related

i never asked for your opinion. i just got it...

ughhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate stupid, close minded people.
i hate labels.
i hate stereotypes.
i hate that fact that just becuz i'm not dating the kinda guy some ppl think i should that i'm a poser.
or that just becuz the guy i'm talking to or whatever drives a truck, or wears a certain kinda hat, or likes to hunt and fish means that he is nothing more than a stupid redneck.

f*ck that. seriosuly. i didn't realize that i had to limit myself to dating certain types of guys. obviously finding a guy that treats me right, makes me happy and isn't a complete asshole doesn't count for shit if he's not emo or punk or what ever the hell the style is for today. god forbid i date someone DIFFERENT from me. oh jesus! anything but that!

seriously. i'm so mad right now i can't see straight. i'm so sick of hearing the same bullshit all the damn time. i'm so sick of people trying to place me into a certain group and then flipping out when i break one of the guidelines of that group. i never asked to be called anything. i never claimed to be anything that i'm not. i like what i like. whether it's punk music, 4wheeler riding, guys who play guitar. whatever. i like it becuz it's the things that make me happy. not becuz it's what everyone else likes or expects me to like. excuse the hell outta me for being my own person and not listening to someone else telling me how i should be.

i try to date the kinda guys i think i want to date. the punk guys in the bands or whatever. and guess what? they turn out to be the biggest assholes ever. so then i date the more simple country boys. and what do ya know? they actually know how to treat a girl. seriously. some of you kids shoulld start taking notes. there's more to it then a style of dress, or what kinda music they listen to, or what they do for fun. it's how the make you feel. the feeling you get from being around them. you can't fake that. i can almost guarantee that the "perfect" guy i have pictured in my head, isn't anywhere close to the guy i'll end up with. and whoever he is, i'm willing to be he'll be 100x better than anything i could have ever imagined. and until i find him, i'm going to keep dating the guys that make me happy. not the ones that everyone else thinks i should. when i want your opinion, i'll ask for it. 

Currently Listening A Fever You Can't Sweat Out By Panic! At the Disco see related

praying for love and praying in naivety

so not that any of you people really care but i had the best weekend EVER. and yeah. it's like friday so i'm a lil late in writing about it but i've been super busy with school. i cannot believe that i only have 3 weeks until i graduate!!!! holy crap! my time at jones has flown by... i'm ready to get outta here. but i'm scared to go to southern at the same time! haha. yeah. i'm a loser.

anyway. back to this past weekend... britt came home! we got to meet the infamous brandon. and omg. he's the greatest guy. seriously. i was scared it would be weird having him around. but he fit in perfectly. he is SUCH a nice guy. i'm really happy for britt. she found one of the good guys left out there. and she really deserves it. they're so dang cute together... *sigh* so back to me. i kinda met a guy this weekend. he's adorable, he's really sweet, funny... and younger. yeah. younger. i know, i know. i swore up and down that i would never date a guy younger than me. but i'm so tired of being drug around by guys who don't know what they really want. and yeah. i'm not wanting to settle down and get married or anything right now but damn. i want a guy that knows what he wants. and even tho this guy is younger, he has a better idea of what he wants than most guys my age or older. plus, as i said, i'm not rushing anything. whatever happens happens. right now it's just nice to have someone to talk to and hang out with when i come home.

so yeah. oh. and i have poison ivy. yeah. yeah i do. i think i must have gotten it at brandy's when we were riding 4wheelers thru the woods... or when i went fishing with britt and brandon. idk. but i have it. and i don't have to go to work today becuz of it. i kinda feel bad cuz it's not really bad. but i do have lil patches of it all over... and so i get to go home. i'm excited!

so that's all for now. until next time... you stay classy, xanga.